This morning, as he added sugar to an already over-sugared breakfast, the 8 year old anarchist in my house gleefully chanted "Sugar Boy! So energized!"
I know this because I was in the next room - not half a world away as was once the case. One of the joys in my life is being right there when B says or does something hilarious, brilliant, or - as is often the case, both at the same time. Learning about it later in an email or on Skype is just not the same, is it?
Like millions of other Americans, I am now sharing my home and my life with two other generations of my family - my daughter (D), her husband(D2), and the aforementioned 8 year old, my astonishing grandson, B. We chose to try this sociological experiment almost a year ago, for a variety of reasons. Convenience and economics, certainly. But a more important consideration was B. We all wanted him have a grandparent closely involved in his life. D remembers fondly the close relationship she had with her own grandparents and wanted her son to have the same sort of relationship with me. After living alone and far away for many years, I, too, was longing to be surrounded by a family again.
Of course, it wouldn't have happened without the cooperation of my excellent son-in-law, D2. I don't claim that his fondness for me has anything to do with my sweet disposition and charming personality! Both of those are in occasional short supply! Rather, it is all due to his own generosity and love of his family. D swears he is the World's Sweetest Husband and I have no evidence to counter that claim!
Has it been easy? Is it all a Hallmark commercial? Certainly not! My 60+ year old nerves sometimes fray just a bit from the endless energy machine that is B. And more often than I like to admit, my interactions with D revert to those more common between teenagers and their mothers than between allegedly mature adults. Even the World's Sweetest Husband is occasionally a little testy and probably wonders why he thought letting his mother-in-law move in was such a good idea!
I had hoped that my years of experience as a family therapist would help us negotiate the minefield of family relationships. Perhaps it has. Certainly, I am too close to this family relationship to deal with it in the rational, detached manner I would a family in therapy. Thankfully, I am not our therapist. Still, I think I am learning a lot about how families can live together successfully.
The last national census, completed in 2007, showed an 67% increase in the number of parents living with their adult children since the last census in 2000. And that was before the economic tsunami that is 2008!As more and more Americans lose their jobs and their homes, can there be any doubt that multigenerational families are no longer an anomaly but rather a legitimate and even necessary choice for millions of people.
